I’m sort of having issues staying on track.  It’s not that I don’t want to lose the weight, it’s just that I have quite a few stressors in my life right now and no relief.  My immediate response is to eat away my stress and this ends up with me gaining weight or staying the same weight (which is just as bad).

I would love to know where to find the well of endless inspiration.  Because I want it.  I really do.  But I seem to find some excuse as to why it is “too hard”.  I don’t want to make the excuses.  I feel like my body is a ticking time bomb.  Every time I put something unhealthy in my body, I am speeding up the time bomb and shortening my life.  I constantly berate myself.  How can I do this to my children?  To my husband?  To the family and friends who love me?

People think that losing weight is all about having control and discipline and motivation.  Very few people understand that for someone who actually battles with their weight (whether morbidly obese, chubby or anorexic / bulemic) it’s all about control over your body and your circumstances.

I pacify myself with food and then beat myself up for it later.  I tried talking to my mom about it today and she said “Well, then STOP.”

If only it were that easy.

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