I am not going to lie.  I eat because I am depressed and I am depressed because I eat.  I sort of wander through life taking part in a constant cycle of emotion and eating.  I am a food addict.  Unlike an alcoholic, I cannot give food up.  I can however, control it.  And that’s what I am working on now… little by little.

I can see my 5-year old is carrying the same emotional eating traits as I do.  He eats when he is bored, and when he is happy.  He centers his own life around food.  Even to the extent of worrying about meals before they even happen.  An example of this happened the other night:

Just before dinner

O:  Mom.  What are we having for dinner tomorrow?

Me:  Oh… I don’t know.  I haven’t even thought about it yet.

O:  Why not?

Me:  Because, I need to get through making dinner tonight.

O:  Well, I think I want tacos tomorrow.  I like tacos.

Me:  Maybe.

O:  So, are we having tacos tomorrow?

This conversation happens almost everyday in regards to some future meal.  He’s even starting to increase the quantity in which he eats.  This morning he asked for 7 pieces of toast.  Of course, I told him he could only have 2 pieces for breakfast.  He didn’t argue with me….. this time.

And then came my “Ah-ha!” moment.  For the past 5 years I have been battling depression and weight issues.  To the point where I am 170+ pounds overweight and landed straight into morbid obesity land.  And my son.  My precious baby boy has been privy to it ALL.  He has seen my own reactions and relationship with food and has taken it onto himself.  I can’t say whether the behavior is learned or instilled by DNA (maybe it is a little of both?).  But the point is, I had a moment where I said…. “ENOUGH” to myself.

Because at this point, it is no longer just about me.  It is about the way this continued lifestyle (depression, fast food, lack of exercise) has affected everyone in this household.  I feel i’m one Big Mac away from a heart attack and for what?  Because I enjoy eating?   Because I pacify myself with food?  For goodness sakes, I think it would be almost better if I borrowed a paci from my 17 month old.

I recently read an article about the link between childhood obesity and depression in children.  As I have went through my own life, I recognize that much of my insecurities, depression episodes and hormonal outbursts as a teenager had as much to do with puberty as it did the food I ate.

I also think that obesity and depression continue to be linked in adulthood as well.

What are your thoughts on the obesity and depression link?