Writing it all down
The past 5 weeks have been great!
I have been writing down every step of this journey. I record my workouts, my food and my thoughts. I have three separate tools that I use to do that with (though in reality I probably only need one of those tools). I record my workouts on Weight Watchers.com, my food is recorded in my 3-month journal and my blog holds my thoughts.
I don’t think I have written so much in all of my life! Generally, I really like to write. However, aside from the massive amounts of papers I am expected to write for my classes, I wasn’t writing for the sheer pleasure of it. Until this blog of course.
I marvel at how much this journey has brought into my life so far. I find that I am thankful for all of the little blessings that have happened throughout all of this.
I feel like I am getting my groove back. Challenges no longer seem insurmountable but are more or less, fun problems to solve. My attitude is getting better and on a whole I just feel so much happier and satisfied with life. I am far from goal but I no longer avoid looking at myself in the mirror. I even take those mirror moments to smile at my reflection.
Many feelings have been pouring out of me since I started this. Instead of eating them away, I have been dealing with them and acknowledging them. Most importantly I have been able to make sense of things in a way that I never thought I could.
What I have discovered so far is that I am a good person. I have a good heart and I am definitely worth knowing and loving. I have a lot to say, i’m intelligent and definitely worth listening to.
Before, it was hard for me to own up to all of this. I felt that I was around to help and inspire other people but never myself. Emotionally, I put myself on the back burner. I always heard other people say that they didn’t feel like they were worth it until they lost weight. For me, that seemed mind boggling. I would even say to myself… “well of course i’m worth it!” Even though I said it. Inside, I didn’t really believe it. There was always a seed of doubt with my self-worth. And, I always did or said things to receive validation from others. Because in the grand scheme of things even I didn’t think I was enough.
As cliche as it may sound, now I believe that I am worth it. I am at a point where I want to be me. I don’t yearn to be anyone else. I don’t beg for compliments or put myself out there in search of validation.
I am enough. I matter.
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Good for you!
And I agree – my blog brings a whole new experience to writing. It is a joy and an outlet and a diversion from eating:)
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Sweetie YOU ARE worth it, ARE enough and you DO matter!!!
I don’t know about you, but in blogging I’m getting back to me, my true self, that the weight suffocated. I’m more in touch with my feelings and sense of humor. It’s a wonderful creative outlet that I’m so glad I’ve given time to blogging and to MYSELF.
I for one am glad you’re blogging too because reading about your journey helps me on mine. So, THANK YOU.
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It does not sound cliche! I feel the same way. I did not think I was a very good writer but people say I am and I embrace it now if you know what I mean.
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Oh, Kellie, you broke my heart — for you and for me because I have been exactly the same. You are DEFINITELY a person worth knowing, a person worth having good things in her life — and so am I. See? You gave me the courage to say that out loud.
Between my blog and learning how to eat for fuel rather than for therapy, my feelings are much more real — good and bad, they’re mine and I’m owning them but I’m not letting them define me. They’re just my feelings — just like my eyes are blue.
Keep going, girl, you are rocking it!
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Hi Kellie!
I first learned about the benefits of journaling when I took a class based on Julia Cameron’s book, “The Vein of Gold.” If you ever do get the chance, look the book over. Everyone who took the class with me got more out of it than they ever imagined
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This is a great post! You are worth it at any size, but you sound a lot like I did. Really examining myself as I was getting healthier made me realize how much I had to contribute to my family and my other relationships.
I love this!
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Sounds like this is a really powerful experience for you. It’s really great to hear that you are engaging with the feelings rather than eating them away.
BODA weight loss
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Well, of *course* you’re worth it! But I understand exactly what you mean (looks like a lot of us do). Somehow, writing helps process everything – the highs and lows – and the online community provides support that even the most loving family and friends just can’t give us.
You’re doing *great*!
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“What I have discovered so far is that I am a good person. I have a good heart and I am definitely worth knowing and loving. I have a lot to say, i’m intelligent and definitely worth listening to.”
Man, I aspire to be able to write that statement and actually *mean* it.
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