You know what’s weird? Being derailed.
I need a pick-me-up.
I feel like i’ve been in this weird place journey-wise. I can’t tell you the last time I was actually enthusiastic about the journey. Or about new foods. I’m grasping at straws a bit here trying desperately to stay seated on the damn horse. What the hell?
In about 3 or 4 weeks, I have gained 10 pounds back. I haven’t been monitoring myself and the whole “core” plan and not counting points? Not working. I am too nonrestrictive and lenient. I don’t write down what I am eating because I don’t need to count points. Except for the bad err non-core food. I figured out that I really do need the discipline of writing and counting.
So i’m here. Still wanting to lose weight. But want in one hand and *you-know-what* in the other hand and what fills up first? Obviously not the *want* hand right? Because the want needs to go further into the *doing something about it* territory. And I haven’t. Haven’t been doing anything about this, I mean.
I have even dropped off the exercise train. Yep, regained my certified couch potato badge.
I know this post sounds so flippant but the truth is… I am angry with myself. And this sort of sarcastic humor — or whatever this is– is the way I am dealing lately.
It’s like one day I woke up and said… “uh… diet? What diet?” And then I use the word diet and it is so… temporary.
I want to get back on the horse. No… NEED to get back on the horse. But I feel a little uhm… lost? Unmotivated? Sad?
I wanted to write this post for so long but kept feeling guilty. I kept feeling like I was not only letting myself down… but anyone who reads my blog. And I know that’s a lot of pressure to put on oneself and i’m probably totally inflating my own sense of purpose and self-worth. But that’s how I felt. So I kept denying and kept being SUPER positive until this moment. Because I can’t be in a world of pretense anymore. Know what I mean? I have to be raw and honest. People probably hate this side of me… but I can’t help it. I feel like a 1000 weight is lifted off of my shoulders when I am this raw and this honest.
And I realize that I am the only one who can help myself. But at this moment, I feel lost? And when I think about getting back on the right path… the thought that enters my mind is… “Why try? Life is just going to get in the way again and change just when I get used to a constant way of being.”
Tell me please… has this ever happened to you? What do you do about it? How do you regain ground?
Posted in The Journey
Yes. It has happened. Many times in my life and each was a bit different. I actually gained back weight myself in May and June. I was so frustrated. I love how you describe the two hands:) What is working for me this time, is joining in a challenge with other bloggers. Not because I am motivated by competition (and the one I am participating in is not competitive), but because I needed something to help me be accountable. I am setting new goals each week that are flexible enough to fit into the “life gets in the way” stuff. For example, last night I knew we’d be going out to dinner at a Mexican restaurant so I set goals that included that.
I wish I knew the perfect words to help motivate you. I just don’t even know for myself why sometimes I am motivated and sometimes I am not. But I am happy to support you in anyway I can. (And if you want to join the challenge, it is not too late. http://dietbuddydaily.com/?page_id=750)
Hugs
[Reply]
I am there with you doll – I am teetering at the same weight and have been for awhile. There are a lot of stressors going on with me that have had my attention the last month or two and I am hoping once I get back from vacation that I will have a new perspective. I still have 90+ lbs. to go and have lost 55+/- so I have a long haul ahead of me but I know in my heart it WILL happen.
Hang in there!!
[Reply]
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way
I appreciate your honesty… this journey hard! When I lose motivation, I focus on the things in this journey that I actually like (like making new healthy dishes, and blogging), and I bump them up a notch!! It helps me to get excited about this journey again! I hope you’re able to find your groove again, and I wish you the best of luck!
[Reply]
I really wish I knew what to say…it feels like I just posted something similar to this on my blog. I guess the only thing that may be of some comfort, is that we all go through it.
[Reply]
I am with you on this. I just felt Mr Motivation perhaps come creeping back in today – don’t know where he has been. I’ve been lucky in that I only put on a few lbs again but… need to stop this vicious backsliding and felt fairly powerless to stop it!
Wanted to say though – you made a comment about overinflating your worth. YOU are worth everything! You need to do this for you and you alone. We write these blogs to maybe help others along the way but, we need to write them first for ourselves. To celebrate our accomplishments and vent about our failures. Don’t worry about what others say or think. Just be accountable to you. If you are angry at yourself, that is okay and this is the perfect place to talk about it. We’re all behind you and encouraging you!
[Reply]
We’ve all been there. Sometimes it seems hopeless, but it isn’t. You need to repeat some positive talk to yourself. “I am capable! I am WORTHY!” You CAN do it. Will you?
Before I read Geneen Roth’s “Women Food and God” I felt like such a hopeless loser thinking it was too hard to stop the eating machine that I had become. Some days I would go to bed hoping I wouldn’t wake up in the morning so I just wouldn’t have to struggle anymore. It’s not a good place to be, but I think it’s familiar to most of us.
When my friend asked me to read the book so we could discuss it, I shied away. I really wasn’t interested in what anybody else’s idea of “God” was and didn’t want to be preached at. I am so glad I listened to her and got the book. I’m serious. The way I think about my life has changed. I can now recognize that dieting was useless to me, self-control comes and goes, and really there are thousands if not millions of people in the same boat.
Reading your blog and those of others helps me to feel less alone in my fat-laden world. I hope that you will pull yourself up and out of the slump you’re in and turn it around soon. You so deserve to have the things you want!
I’m not disappointed in you at all. You haven’t let me down. You’re human and you’re in a slump. Read, meditate, pray, or do whatever helps you get centered (not eating!) and come back to the blog side
[Reply]
**reaches out and offers a hand up**
[Reply]