Archive for the ‘A-ha! Moments’ Category

When I started writing this post, I used my Bell internet device.  It’s a plug-and-play USB device that allows you to put a sim card from your cell phone in and use the internet virtually anywhere!   Having said that… I wrote some of this post parked at the beach (too cold to swim…however, the frozen waves are still inspiring!)

Yesterday’s pity party for one was canceled on account of sunshine.  I admit, I was singing the blues for a moment there.  Thankfully my naturally optimistic and sunny personality perked right back up again.  The remedy?  I took the kids for a ride in the car.  Cranked my buzz ballads CD way up (I love alternative music) and rocked out to Semi-Charmed Life by Eve 6.  It kind of makes me giggle a bit when my 2 year old starts belting out “Lightening Crashes” by Live.  And yeah… my kids breakout in song everywhere.  We’ll be in the middle of a grocery store and out of the blue the other shoppers are treated to my kids’ rendition of  Twinkle Twinkle Little Star or yes… even “Lightening Crashes” by Live.

Anyway, with my mental space back in a good place, I *almost* came back on my blog to write something overwhelmingly positive.  It’s kind of like I wanted to blot out the negativity.  That’s the kind of thinking I have been engaged in for years though.  I would take a bad moment and devalue those feelings of mine.  Inside I would call myself silly and stupid and selfish.  But you know what?  Those feelings I had yesterday were valid.  And I can’t continue to numb myself.  That’s what I have been doing for years.  Striving to make everything on the outside look as sunny as possible even if I was in pain on the inside.  I wouldn’t allow myself to give validity to those feelings.  And since I didn’t allow myself that, I ate away the pain to continue to keep the feelings stuffed down to a more comfortable level.

So, I acknowledged that I had those feelings.  I acknowledged that for a moment I was kind of sad.  What’s more, I allowed myself to be okay with it.

Does that mean I dwell?  Nope.  Not even a little.  It means that I had a down moment and I dealt with it without punishing myself for it (i.e. wrecking my diet, not working out, etc.).  And now, I have moved on.  Because moving on and moving forward is exactly the needed remedy.  If I try to ignore it, it won’t go away.  A problem that starts out as a whisper is soon a screaming, yelling maniac if ignored.  So I acknowledged it, dealt with it and moved on from it.  I didn’t even wreck my diet or my day.

Tiny steps.  That is what this whole thing is comprised of.  Because I am a firm believer that no one gets it right all of the time.  I know I haven’t.  But we continue and persevere and try.  Tiny steps.

I envision this journey to better health to be like biking up a hill.  The first part of it is tough.  It’s steep, a rhythm hasn’t been established yet and it’s hard work.  But then, mid-hill stuff gets a little easier.  If we come across an obstacle, our body and mind is in a good place to overcome it.  We switch gears if we need to.  Getting to the top of the hill is not when we hit goal but rather it is when we get to a point where we have overcome most of our demons and are now seasoned vets at keeping ourselves inline.

Going down the hill on the last leg of the journey is easy.  We are prepared and we move at lightening speed.  At least, that’s how I picture it.

Each part of the journey, each tiny step we take leads to results.  And we need to acknowledge the results even if they do not come in the form of a good number on the scale.  Know what I mean?

What victories did you have this week?

Many years ago, a good friend of mine said that the secret to his success was that he checked in with himself regularly. No matter what leg he was on in his journey, he would take a moment or two to make sure that he was still on track. Did anything need to be changed in his routine? Did he have the right attitude for the task at hand? Was he still excited about the path he was on? If not, then what needed to change? Believe it or not, this did not have to do with weight loss but rather it had to do with business. He was a stock broker at the time.

This friend and I had lost contact many years ago. Still, I never forgot the lesson he taught me. I figured it was an important one. So I have kept it in my back pocket until this very moment. Because I think it’s important to check in with yourself on this journey. Make sure that you are still happy and excited. Make sure that you are persevering and motivating yourself. Make sure that you are creating an environment that spells WIN. And if you aren’t, then figure out what you need to do to get back on track and go for it!

This week has proven to be a difficult week for me to get my fitness in. My baby has pink eye, my oldest son has strep throat and my husband has been working way later due to server outages with certain clients. I haven’t seen the inside of the gym since Monday.

At first, I felt like my train had been driven off of my path. It felt like one of those moments where you throw your hands up and say… “what the F?!” Obviously, there is nothing I can do to change the kids being sick or my husband having to work late. Those are some of the facts of life my friend. Shit happens and sometimes you step in it. Know what I mean? And really in the grand scheme of things, this is only one off-week.

Instead of lolling around the house moping about it, I utilized the extra energy to keep moving. I cleaned and organized things I never thought to clean or organize. Sometimes, I found myself jumping around in the kitchen just for fun. Or if a good song came on the radio, I would dance to it with my daughter. 4 weeks of working out has me craving movement. Any kind of movement. My body wants to move. From couch potato to mover and shaker in 4 weeks… that’s me! I have also been extra careful to watch what I eat. Just because I am unable to get to the gym, doesn’t mean I should throw all of my progress to the wind.

Today, I was pacing around the house wondering what else to clean (I think I have the cleanest home in America now). Then I remembered my old exercise bike in the garage. I found it buried under a whole bunch of stuff. So I moved the stuff and moved the bike back into the house. This was no small feat and took a lot of extra effort but it was totally worth it. I moved it into my living room and got 45 minutes of straight cardio on it! And after I was done I felt this calming sensation flow over my body and soul. That is what exercise does for me. It chills me out and sends me to my happy place.

So this week, when I check in with myself, i’m going to note that I overcame an obstacle and am still managing to keep on track with my goals all while smiling.

Yesterday as I was sweating it out on the elliptical, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  And you know what?  I was workin’ it.  I could actually tell that my face was slimmer and I didn’t look so puffy.  When my reflection stared back at me in that moment, I knew that my 4 weeks of hard work was somehow paying off.

And then this morning…

I am 311 pounds now!  I weighed in at Weight Watchers this morning and lost another 3.6 pounds!  I did a happy wiggle, gave a fist pump in the air and I think I may have shouted out a woohoo!  And like Thomas the tank engine, the little voice inside of me was on repeat; “you CAN do this!!”

“It’s so nice to have you back where you belong.” — I have the “Hello Dolly” plugin activated on my blog.  While writing my post for today that is what came up.  It seems so fitting.  Thank you.  I am glad to be back where I belong too!

I am not trying to get to my destination at break neck speed.  The fat fairy didn’t bring the weight on overnight and she’s certainly not going to take it away either.  Every pound down feels like one more thing in my life that has been dealt with.  I can’t explain it other than to know that I can do this.  And I will!

Five weeks ago, I was kind of a wreck.  I felt so lost.  I had gained all of this weight, and for the past few years have been in and out of a deep depressive state of mind.  Just the thought of moving off of the couch was almost too much to bear.  Hell, waking up in the morning seemed like a full time job.  I have many things in life to be thankful for and to be proud of but the massive ball of pudge and hair that was me seemed to be like this dark storm cloud always following.  My natural state of being is one made up of happy, cute and optimistic.  I’m sort of a wide-eyed idealist like that.  So this storm cloud thing wasn’t working *at all*.

However, the whole time that I was going through that, I knew that I was on the verge of just going for it.  And then, I did.  The final push came when I realized that I was not living life.  I was merely a bystander in life.  Sitting on the sidelines and watching the whole thing pass me by.  That might as well be 100% true.  I am never the one in the picture, I am the one taking the picture.  Because whenever I would see a picture of myself, I would be faced with the full truth of what I did to myself.

So here I am now.  And I feel good.  I feel better than I have in 3 years.  I’m finally taking control of this beast.  And, i’m turning my troubles over to God.  God and I have had a lot of long talks lately.  When i’m done talking and praying, I feel whole and unburdened.  I am not the most religious person in the world.  I haven’t been to church in so long that I think the last time I did was when my first child was baptized.  Something occurred to me the other night that I couldn’t do this by myself.  I needed help.  I needed something to help unburden my heart.  Because my heart is always filled with all kinds of stuff.   I’m trying to right the wrongs and restore my spiritual self as well as my health.

All in all, it got me to thinking.  There are so many other people out there like me.  They are on their last legs too.  They are on the verge too.

To anyone who has not started their journey yet but happens to be on the verge of it like I was:

Just do it.  There will never be a perfect time or perfect moment to take care of yourself.  There will never be a perfect day of the week or perfect month to start your journey.  All we know is that we have today.  None of us can predict how many tomorrows we will be blessed with.  So just take a chance on you.  Because you are worth it.

What was your turning point?  What made you decide to start getting healthy?