Category Archives: A-ha! Moments

Weird tales from the scale and getting over mommy guilt

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10

Well, I weighed myself this morning and found that I lost 2.8 pounds!  Yay me!  So that tells me that I must have been retaining water.  Or something.  Isn’t it funny how the scale fluctuates sometimes day by day?

I did go on my bike ride yesterday as I said I would.  Hubs watched the kids and I went by myself.  I was able to kick out 7.2 miles (1 mile more than I did yesterday).  It was refreshing!  Although, I didn’t really think about anything.  I just let my mind wander and really got into my music.  It was good to be able to go into my own little world.

So this leads me to a couple of questions to any of my fellow moms who may read this:

Do you experience mommy guilt?  If so, how have you been able to get over it for the sake of your journey?

Let me ‘splain.  You see, I am a stay-at-home mom.  I spend 24 hours a day and 365 days a year of my existence with my kids.  I love my kids.  They are my world.  However, I go through phases of mommy-burn-out.  Usually this happens when the mommy-guilt comes on and as a result I stop taking care of myself because I think I am taking something away from my kids by doing so.  (I know what you are thinking…. that’s a good example of Stinkin’ Thinkin’, right?)

The thing is… I am getting over it.  It is not easy to get over (the guilt that is) but at the end of the day I recognize that I need to take care of myself.  If momma ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy.  Know what I mean?  And besides, taking care of myself isn’t selfish.  NOT taking care of myself is very selfish.  But taking care of me is as essential to my family’s daily routine as taking care of them is.

And I see the benefit of this new lifestyle, not only for myself but for my family.  Owen (my oldest), is making very good distinctions between what is healthy and what isn’t.  A few months ago, he might have complained that I only packed him an apple for a snack (instead of some crunchy, sugary stuff with a character on the front of the package).  Now, he is excited about it.

The same thing with exercise.  I was a card-carrying couch potato at one point.  My kids had all of this energy and nowhere to put it because *I* was too tired to do fun things with them.  If I couldn’t fence them in (so that I didn’t have to get up, naturally) then I didn’t want any part of the activity.  Now, we go places. We go for walks, bike rides and to the park.  I want to be as active as possible.

Knowing that I am including my family in this is refreshing and makes me happy.  Including them as much as I can (but not so much that I can’t concentrate on myself when I need to) is the sword that cuts the guilt.  We all need to preserve ourselves sometimes and that is OK.

My AHA! Moment of the day:  I always thought that if I did for myself and not for others then that would make me a bad person.  But I realize that I need to do for myself otherwise I won’t be good for others.  And that I am a good person regardless.

Now tell me… do you have any weird tales about your scale?  How do you get over your mommy guilt?

Fat girl on a bike and epiphanies

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It was simply amazing.

I rode on the trail yesterday for the first time in ages.  Before that, I was just riding my bike around the neighborhood.  But nothing competes with riding on the bike trail for me.  In the mornings the trail is near empty save for a few runners, older people walking their dogs and some die-hard cyclists.  I had my workout playlist going, got the kids in the trailer and off I went.

I rode 6.4 miles.  I felt so accomplished!  My thighs and legs got quite a workout!  By the time November comes, I will be completely ready to compete in the bike race!  I am SO excited!  :)

I have started to realize that some of the inner struggle I have experienced comes from aligning myself to my age… or “coming into my own”, if you will.  For awhile now, I have felt like a girl on the verge.  On the verge of breaking through barriers and becoming a better version of me.  It’s weird but I feel nothing but hope and happiness at this junction (despite any struggles I have experienced or might experience in the future).  For me, this journey isn’t truly a journey without the exercise.  I figured out that exercise was what had been missing from my equation four weeks ago.

You see, after the move, I didn’t get a lot of exercise outside because I was getting things ready on the inside. Though I wasn’t writing it down, I tried to be as conscious as I could of my eating and food choices.  Still, something inside of me felt like it was going to burst.  Do you know that feeling?

I know it seems there has been some negativity here… but in reality, i’m just trying to figure it all out.  You see, during phase I, I had a great thing going!  But I knew that routine wouldn’t last because eventually we would be moving.  And then when we moved, I felt a little lost and unsure as to how to develop a new routine.  NOW… I have developed a new routine and it is much more flexible and fitting to my life.  In the spring and summer months, I plan on getting outside everyday and working out (on the trail or just walking around the neighborhood) for at least 30 minutes to an hour.  Once i’m done with my classes for the summer, i’ll be able to bump it up for an hour or more.

I feel like i’m on the right track and for the first time in a month I am not second-guessing my choices!  It is an amazing feeling! :)

How are you doing on your journey?  Did you reach any rough patches?  How are you doing now?

One day at a time

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5

Phase II of my weight loss journey is all about digging deeper and facing my fears, issues and challenging myself to reach new levels.

By nature, I am a planner — a disorganized planner at that. I plan all the live long day and have such good intentions but when it comes down to it I have either overextended myself yet again or wasn’t organized and so the good intentions end up falling apart. And when things don’t go the way I planned? Well, then the control freak in me comes out and everything feels out of control. This is one aspect of my personality that I don’t altogether enjoy. It’s likened to being a super motivated procrastinator. I need to learn to effectively and realistically plan out my day. And I need to learn to say no to new projects when my plate is full. After that? I need to take a chill pill and realize that life doesn’t always go as planned.

It is during those times (when things feel out of control) that the foodie in me comes out like a lion with a full force roar. My mouth waters and itches for something to chew on. I get so agitated and irritated that everything else in my mind stops but the thought of food. The foodie in me is fierce.

You know what I discovered though? I am really not hungry. I am angry. I use the food to put a cap on my anger. Because I don’t like feeling anger. It comes on so strong and makes me feel like a bad person. The anger doesn’t stem from hate… but rather stems from “not getting it right” and “feeling like a failure”. I might be disorganized but whatever I do I put my full heart and attention into. So, when I can’t put my heart and attention into something or when it seems as though I don’t have enough resources to figure something out…. I get angry. I get angry with myself and I end up feeling like a screw-up. So I guess that makes me a disorganized perfectionist. ;)

But then, that’s where I realize that being a foodie is much like being an alcoholic. I would bet money that a lot of alcoholics have anger and control issues. Lately, I have been saying the serenity prayer (used in AA meetings) whenever I start to get frustrated. There are certain trigger points that I have and I am just now starting to understand what they are. If I can go for a walk or take a time out, then I can head the anger off at the pass before I blow like Mount Vesuvius.

And I have come to realize in all of this that anger does not make me a bad person. Feeling emotions so strongly does not make me irresponsible and flighty…. it simply makes me human.

That is why with all of this comes the notion that the whole journey really is one day at a time and one step at a time. Diane over at Fit to Finish had a really good blog post this morning that talks about the journey taking some time.