Archive for the ‘AHA! moments’ Category

I feel like losing weight not only adds years to my life but also kind of acts like a life insurance policy of sorts. Only this policy isn’t paid with money but rather with pounds lost. The more pounds I lose, the more years added to my life. I feel so grateful for this experience and yet… I am the catalyst for my journey. (if that makes sense)

And changes? MANY. I think one of my issues in regards to losing weight and keeping it off in the past, is that I didn’t make peace with myself. You see, my world is sometimes very black and white, yes or no, right or wrong. I tried for so long to appear perfect. Maybe I tried so hard to be perfect because I knew that I wasn’t perfect. And my weight was a visual reminder of my imperfection and failures. So I would punish myself with food… yet food was what I used to pacify myself with also. A very vicious cycle.

One thing that has changed tremendously is that I speak up. I am very assertive now. I was not assertive before. I was always so afraid of being labeled a *bitch* or *pushy* and even *disrespectful* or *rude*. So I balled all of my wants, needs and feelings up inside and took on the task of taking care of others and putting their needs before my own. Sometimes I think I thought of it as a noble sacrifice. An act of martyrdom if you will. But really… what was I gaining from all of this? I remember so many times… biting back my feelings… agreeing just to be accepted and then later feeling put out or resentful because I did what others wanted me to do rather than what I wanted to do. I remember feeling drained because it seemed that people always wanted something from me. I remember casting aside boundaries that I should have rightfully put up but didn’t because I didn’t want to be rejected.

I remember dumbing myself down so as not to appear threatening to other people so that I could be accepted. The ironic thing is… while I was certainly accepted, I was made fun of and put down. I was the class clown and not respected at all. But THIS is how I taught people to treat me. And yet… I didn’t think of it like that at the time. I thought I was making friends. But in reality… I was making an ass of myself in the name of acceptance.

Now… I set boundaries (and gladly so). I share what I am thinking whether those thoughts might be deemed rude, pushy, etc. I am truthful but tactful. I am still bubbly, funny, friendly and willing to help anyone. I suppose I have just found my voice and am letting it be heard.

I am becoming the person I have always wanted to be. It is extraordinary and freeing.

What personality changes have you noticed within yourself since you have been on this journey?

I have always firmly believed that when we truly put our best foot forward in life, we feel happy and accomplished. This philosophy applies to weight loss as well. When we are taking care of the thing that bothers us most about our life… health…money… etc. we get to take giant steps forward to get to where we want to be and need to be.

When I take care of myself, I feel happy. I feel accomplished. I feel good about *me*.

If you have a longer journey (100+ pounds to lose or more), then you have figured out that it takes awhile before you visually reap the benefits of getting healthy. That’s why it is so crucial to focus on how you feel. Ask yourself this: When you get a workout in do you feel accomplished and happier? When you make healthy food choices do you feel that you have gained some of your power back?

There have been a few points in my own life where I felt powerless around food. I would self-sabotage in the name of pacification and before I knew it, I would be staring down at the silver lining of an empty chip bag (kind of ironic how a silver-lining isn’t always a good thing. heh.). There was a time when I would purposely order more food than I could eat from a favorite pizza place and manage to eat all of it (even though I started to feel sick somewhere in the middle of eating all of that food). I enjoyed eating alone because then I wouldn’t have to face up to uncomfortable looks or the off-chance of a snide comment. I also enjoyed eating alone because then I didn’t have to hide how much I ate.

I have started to mentally talk to myself when I feel discouraged. Mental pep-talks seem to help a lot! In a frustrated moment I ask myself… “How can I see this differently?” and “When I look back on this later… what is it about this moment that I want to remember? That I gave up on myself or that I pushed through the feelings?”

Revel in the feeling that you are doing something about your weight issues. Whether you have taken the first step or are on the 50th step in your journey…remember that you are doing something about this. You may not be where you want to be yet. But you are doing it.

Well, I weighed myself this morning and found that I lost 2.8 pounds!  Yay me!  So that tells me that I must have been retaining water.  Or something.  Isn’t it funny how the scale fluctuates sometimes day by day?

I did go on my bike ride yesterday as I said I would.  Hubs watched the kids and I went by myself.  I was able to kick out 7.2 miles (1 mile more than I did yesterday).  It was refreshing!  Although, I didn’t really think about anything.  I just let my mind wander and really got into my music.  It was good to be able to go into my own little world.

So this leads me to a couple of questions to any of my fellow moms who may read this:

Do you experience mommy guilt?  If so, how have you been able to get over it for the sake of your journey?

Let me ’splain.  You see, I am a stay-at-home mom.  I spend 24 hours a day and 365 days a year of my existence with my kids.  I love my kids.  They are my world.  However, I go through phases of mommy-burn-out.  Usually this happens when the mommy-guilt comes on and as a result I stop taking care of myself because I think I am taking something away from my kids by doing so.  (I know what you are thinking…. that’s a good example of Stinkin’ Thinkin’, right?)

The thing is… I am getting over it.  It is not easy to get over (the guilt that is) but at the end of the day I recognize that I need to take care of myself.  If momma ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy.  Know what I mean?  And besides, taking care of myself isn’t selfish.  NOT taking care of myself is very selfish.  But taking care of me is as essential to my family’s daily routine as taking care of them is.

And I see the benefit of this new lifestyle, not only for myself but for my family.  Owen (my oldest), is making very good distinctions between what is healthy and what isn’t.  A few months ago, he might have complained that I only packed him an apple for a snack (instead of some crunchy, sugary stuff with a character on the front of the package).  Now, he is excited about it.

The same thing with exercise.  I was a card-carrying couch potato at one point.  My kids had all of this energy and nowhere to put it because *I* was too tired to do fun things with them.  If I couldn’t fence them in (so that I didn’t have to get up, naturally) then I didn’t want any part of the activity.  Now, we go places. We go for walks, bike rides and to the park.  I want to be as active as possible.

Knowing that I am including my family in this is refreshing and makes me happy.  Including them as much as I can (but not so much that I can’t concentrate on myself when I need to) is the sword that cuts the guilt.  We all need to preserve ourselves sometimes and that is OK.

My AHA! Moment of the day:  I always thought that if I did for myself and not for others then that would make me a bad person.  But I realize that I need to do for myself otherwise I won’t be good for others.  And that I am a good person regardless.

Now tell me… do you have any weird tales about your scale?  How do you get over your mommy guilt?