Category Archives: Emotional Eating

Hells bells ma… buying a house is trigger-inducing!

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So, my husband and I have been on the brink of buying a house forever.   We started last July.  Finally in October, we found a house.  We bid on it even though it was a short sale.  Our bid was accepted by the owners and now we wait.  And wait.  And wait.

Mid-December we were told that a negotiator was going to be assigned to us by the 16th.  The 16th came and then passed without a word.  Last week was Christmas and understandably, we didn’t hear anything.  Today, we get an e-mail from our Realtor stating that we have NOT been assigned a negotiator yet and so they are moving to escalate it (whatever that means).

My friend Google doesn’t help much.  Google basically says “Bank of America and Countrywide sincerely suck at moving forward on short sales”.  Google also mentioned that it can be escalated 10 times or more.  So that “escalation” is basically a nice way of saying that we have to wait.  And wait.

My husband and I are now deciding what to do.  Should we wait it out?  Should we look for another house?

The thing is… this house is perrrfect in every way.  We LUV it.  And if we walk away now… who knows how long it will take.

This whole thing makes me want to move to South Carolina and rent a home from Outer Banks rentals. Or something. I feel absolutely powerless right now. And when things are out of my control… I tend to take control over other things…. err… bot not in always in a positive way.

This house buying stress is trigger inducing.  For real.  The minute I read the e-mail, I processed the information negatively and then my brain was shouting at me…. “EAT!  YOU NEED TO EAT!  IT’S A CRISIS! YOU’RE HAVING A CRAPPY DAY AND LIFE SUCKS SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL FIND A SNACK!”  So I went into the kitchen and rummaged around and ate a bit of sugary and salty snacks.  And then I fixed myself lunch (this part is definitely what I should have done first).  Granted, I jotted down all of my points for the kitchen raid and lunch… but damn.  Really?  I spent 6 points (I estimated high) on a stress-induced attack of the munchies. And another 5 on a really healthy lunch. So that’s 11 points in all. 6 of those points, I am positive, could have been avoided.

And I realized that when stressful things happen, my body is in fight or flight mode.  I get this surge of energy and I envision myself punching the wall or something.  But instead of punching the wall, I focus the anger and energy on eating.

So i’m making a vow here and now… next time I am going to give myself options.  Yes.  That’s right… options.  The way I see it, I have at least a 5-second pause between reaction and action in a trigger-induced situation.  So here are my options:

1.  Phone a friend

2.  Do some jumping jacks or hop on my exercise bike

3.  Clean something …anything.

4.  Go for a walk

That’s all I can think of for now.  The point is, I know that I need to take action in a different way.  If it bothers me to the point of pulling the trigger and ruining my health for a moment, then I need to do something different.  Because running to the kitchen for answers aint working for me.

The link between Obesity and Depression

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I am not going to lie.  I eat because I am depressed and I am depressed because I eat.  I sort of wander through life taking part in a constant cycle of emotion and eating.  I am a food addict.  Unlike an alcoholic, I cannot give food up.  I can however, control it.  And that’s what I am working on now… little by little.

I can see my 5-year old is carrying the same emotional eating traits as I do.  He eats when he is bored, and when he is happy.  He centers his own life around food.  Even to the extent of worrying about meals before they even happen.  An example of this happened the other night:

Just before dinner

O:  Mom.  What are we having for dinner tomorrow?

Me:  Oh… I don’t know.  I haven’t even thought about it yet.

O:  Why not?

Me:  Because, I need to get through making dinner tonight.

O:  Well, I think I want tacos tomorrow.  I like tacos.

Me:  Maybe.

O:  So, are we having tacos tomorrow?

This conversation happens almost everyday in regards to some future meal.  He’s even starting to increase the quantity in which he eats.  This morning he asked for 7 pieces of toast.  Of course, I told him he could only have 2 pieces for breakfast.  He didn’t argue with me….. this time.

And then came my “Ah-ha!” moment.  For the past 5 years I have been battling depression and weight issues.  To the point where I am 170+ pounds overweight and landed straight into morbid obesity land.  And my son.  My precious baby boy has been privy to it ALL.  He has seen my own reactions and relationship with food and has taken it onto himself.  I can’t say whether the behavior is learned or instilled by DNA (maybe it is a little of both?).  But the point is, I had a moment where I said…. “ENOUGH” to myself.

Because at this point, it is no longer just about me.  It is about the way this continued lifestyle (depression, fast food, lack of exercise) has affected everyone in this household.  I feel i’m one Big Mac away from a heart attack and for what?  Because I enjoy eating?   Because I pacify myself with food?  For goodness sakes, I think it would be almost better if I borrowed a paci from my 17 month old.

I recently read an article about the link between childhood obesity and depression in children.  As I have went through my own life, I recognize that much of my insecurities, depression episodes and hormonal outbursts as a teenager had as much to do with puberty as it did the food I ate.

I also think that obesity and depression continue to be linked in adulthood as well.

What are your thoughts on the obesity and depression link?

The statistics say and a challenge

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One of the reasons I like the Biggest Loser so much, is because I can relate to the majority of the contestants.  Not everyone will agree, but I find it awesome that they are allowing bigger contestants to compete on the show.  It is an inspiration to all of us morbidly obese folks who are trying to get fit.

The fact of the matter is, when you reach a certain weight and find yourself going in the upward direction on the obesity scale you are told over and over at that point, that the only way to lose the weight is by surgery.  You are shown countless numbers of statistics that iterate that morbidly obese people have a slim to none chance of losing the weight on their own.

So as you can see… it’s a tough world out there according to statistics.

I don’t need to imagine how it feels to be told that by losing weight I am going against the odds.  I live it.  The difference is, I don’t follow statistics.  I follow my own intuition and drive.  I believe that everyone else should do the same.

After watching Shay’s transformation video on NBC.com and reading an excerpt from Happy Fun Pants I feel inspired all over again. I feel like mojo has been put in my drive meter!   Because let me tell you… nothing motivates me more, than by hearing from people who have been there and back.  Their stories help more than they will ever know.

I can relate to Shay (from the Biggest Loser), because she dealt with a lot of emotions. You can tell that the extra weight she carried on her body were the result of years of emotional scarring and food addiction. She went through her issues and in doing that, she fought to overcome some tough demons.  She is now down 150 pounds and I for sure will be rooting for her when the finale comes!

Happy Fun Pants (because I don’t know her actual name), talks about her “moments” with food.  In her latest post entitled “My A-ha Moment this week“, she admits that food was her comfort and her way doing something for herself.  To my knowledge, no one has ever put it that way before.  No one has ever stepped back and said…. “I do things for myself… I eat.”  But when you put it in that context it makes SO much sense.  Because that is EXACTLY where I am at now.

The key to controlling this, is to recognize it and talk about it.  That is also why it has been proven that journaling works.  In your journal, you take an honest look at yourself and if you write everything down (and I mean everything… down to licking a spoon), then you will begin to recognize the honesty.  That recognition will bring about change.  And change is good.

So here and now… I am posting a challenge to myself and to all of you:

This week, vow to do one non-related-food thing for yourself each day.

Next Wednesday I will post my experience and I hope that you do the same.   Come back here and tell me about it in the comments.  If you blog about it, post a link to your blog so that I (and anyone who reads this blog) can read your post and comment as well.

Here’s to hoping everyone has a productive and wonderful week!