Archive for the ‘Motivation’ Category

Music inspires me. It motivates me. It cajoles me to keep pushing forward; to continue to invent myself and discover who I am so that *I* can make a difference in this world.

At the gym or during my walks, music plays an essential part. A certain song will come on and my body will be covered with goosebumps and I will get chills all the way down to my feet. The music pushes me to go further than I had ever imagined.

Fly — a song by Hilary Duff, is one of those songs that pushes me. I loved it from the first moment I heard it. It holds so much more meaning *now* than it did then. I am keeping the inspiration going so that I may get those Christian Louboutin shoes yet (at the 200 mark!)!

In a moment, everything can change,

Feel the wind on your shoulder,
For a minute, all the world can wait,

Let go of your yesterday.

Can you hear it calling?

Can you feel it in your soul?

Can you trust this longing?

And take control,

Fly

Open up the part of you that wants to hide away

You can shine,

Forget about the reasons why you can’t in life,

And start to try, cause it’s your time,

Time to fly.

All your worries, leave them somewhere else,
Find a dream you can follow,
Reach for something, when there’s nothing left,
And the world’s feeling hollow.

Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing?
And take control,

Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you can’t in life,
And start to try, cause it’s your time,
Time to fly.

And when you’re down and feel alone,
Just want to run away,

Trust yourself and don’t give up,

You know you better than anyone else,

In a moment, everything can change,
Feel the wind on your shoulder,
For a minute, all the world can wait,
Let go of yesterday,

Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you can’t in life,
And start to try,
Fly
Forget about the reasons why you can’t in life,

And start to try, cause it’s your time,

Time to fly.

In a moment, everything can change.

I read every single blog on my sidebar, every single day for inspiration.  Because I know that these people are going through what I am going through OR they have already gone through what I am going through and now their blogs sort of act as mentors (of sorts).

Not so long ago there was this stigma that if you weighed over 300 pounds you were well on your way to having to resort to gastric bypass surgery or some other form of weight loss surgery in order to lose weight.  It’s a scary thing.  As a woman who has had 3 c-sections, I can only say that I imagine these surgeries to be 10 times worse (and c-section recovery is no picnic.  Especially after the first few days when you are afraid to cough or poop).  A friend of mine who weighed over 600 pounds had gastric bypass surgery.  It was a Godsend and saved his life.  But even he admitted that a year long recovery and a drastic change to his diet was really extreme and hard.

So i’m on a mission to find other people who have lost half of themselves without surgery.  It’s an obsession really.  For the first time in a long time, I am seeing things with eyes wide open.  I have a picture of *the new me* in my mind (one without dark circles under her eyes. hydrolyze anyone?).  This picture is clear as day, I tell ya.  And I have come to the point where I don’t care if it takes me 1 year or 10 years to get down to 150, I will do it y’all.  I will.

And also… I would like to throw out there that I don’t think there is anything wrong with having weight loss surgery.  Everyone makes a choice as to what will work best for them.  It’s all related to weight loss and it’s all a journey no matter how you choose to get there. And it is definitely NOT the easy way out.  When they take out half of your stomach and re-route your intestines…. it is FAR from the easy way out.

4 weeks of my own journey has brought me to so many wonderful people.  Really.  I am so lucky to have found so many that I relate to in different ways.  And I love that we’re all rooting for each other!

I found a few memoirs that I want to read:

1. Half-Assed
2. The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl
3. My Other Body: A Memoir of Love, Life, Fat and Death

Has anyone read these?  If so… what did you think?

Lastly, i’m thinking of getting a BodyBugg.  You know, those black things that you attach to your arms as seen on The Biggest Loser?  Right.  That.  I’m not sure though.  There is a sale on them right now for $199.  But from what I have read, the cost doesn’t stop there.  You also have to pay a monthly fee to enter in your stats and upload your caloric burn for the day.  So it seems kind of expensive.

What do you guys think?  Is it worth it?  Is it like a magical piece of equipment or is it just a glorified pedometer?  Is there a better/cheaper alternative?  Basically, I want to track how many calories I burn in one day.

Yesterday marked my first day in the gym. I got the oldest off to school, packed the two younger ones in the van and off we went to the gym. I had a few reservations. I wanted to make sure that everything went according to plan. Things going according to plan is important to me… because I have kids and things always seem to go smoother if you at least have a plan (or at least, this was my hope). I dropped the kids off at the daycare and went on my way. Thankfully, I had no guilt doing this. I am not going to deny myself some much-needed *me* time. Plus, they need time to interact with other kids. And all of this worked out fabulously. All eyes were dry and they were eager to start discovering the undiscovered.

I walked slowly to the fitness center. I took it all in. I hadn’t been to a gym in at least 2 years. And back then, I was much smaller than I am now. What if there were whispers or looks? What if I *couldn’t do it*? Walking everyday is a far cry from this… because I don’t walk super fast. My plan was to do 45 minutes of cardio. And I mean real cardio. The kind where my target heart rate reaches at least 124 for 45 minutes and I sweat like a pig. Not attractive, but effective. I walked into the fitness room and gingerly chose a treadmill. And you know what happened?

Not a darn thing. No one looked at me weird or whispered or even gave knowledge that I was in the room. Because everyone there was in a zone. Their own private zone where they shut the world out and let the music move their feet.

To my surprise and triumph I lasted for more than 45 minutes! I did 35 minutes on the treadmill and 15 on the elliptical (15 minutes sounds small… but have you tried an elliptical machine? It’s crazy! It’s like running but without the pressure on your joints).

While I was on the treadmill, I started to think about switching up my workout. Maybe I would do some water aerobics. Maybe I would try a dance class. The possibilities seemed endless at that point and I was in my zone y’all.

And I came to this conclusion: from that point forward, the sky is the limit. No matter what anyone else thinks. I would no longer deny myself. This sort of denial goes way above food. And I realize that even though I had not denied myself food, I had denied myself other things… better things. For the last 5 years I have denied myself validity in my feelings because I *do* matter darn it. And through those years I have denied myself the simple enjoyment of living. It’s like I punished myself every day for being fat. I was always afraid of going to the beach or to the park because in my mind I felt like a square peg trying to fit through a round hole. In my mind, *I* as an obese individual did not belong at the park or at the beach. I don’t exercise, so why go? My husband and I didn’t go to movies often because I was worried that I might not fit properly in the seats. Everything we did as a family all hindered on whether or not I was going to be “comfortable” with it either emotionally or physically.

And now…. now…. I recognize that I deserve all of the good stuff life has to offer and more. I’m lifting myself out of the rut I was in. I have found a tremendous support system at home and online. I feel liberated. And more importantly, I feel worth it.

On a VERY cool side note: I lost three pounds this week! WOOT! Thanks to the extra motivation from  Seth Simonds’ 1st challenge!