Category Archives: psychology of weight loss

Hells bells ma… buying a house is trigger-inducing!

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So, my husband and I have been on the brink of buying a house forever.   We started last July.  Finally in October, we found a house.  We bid on it even though it was a short sale.  Our bid was accepted by the owners and now we wait.  And wait.  And wait.

Mid-December we were told that a negotiator was going to be assigned to us by the 16th.  The 16th came and then passed without a word.  Last week was Christmas and understandably, we didn’t hear anything.  Today, we get an e-mail from our Realtor stating that we have NOT been assigned a negotiator yet and so they are moving to escalate it (whatever that means).

My friend Google doesn’t help much.  Google basically says “Bank of America and Countrywide sincerely suck at moving forward on short sales”.  Google also mentioned that it can be escalated 10 times or more.  So that “escalation” is basically a nice way of saying that we have to wait.  And wait.

My husband and I are now deciding what to do.  Should we wait it out?  Should we look for another house?

The thing is… this house is perrrfect in every way.  We LUV it.  And if we walk away now… who knows how long it will take.

This whole thing makes me want to move to South Carolina and rent a home from Outer Banks rentals. Or something. I feel absolutely powerless right now. And when things are out of my control… I tend to take control over other things…. err… bot not in always in a positive way.

This house buying stress is trigger inducing.  For real.  The minute I read the e-mail, I processed the information negatively and then my brain was shouting at me…. “EAT!  YOU NEED TO EAT!  IT’S A CRISIS! YOU’RE HAVING A CRAPPY DAY AND LIFE SUCKS SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL FIND A SNACK!”  So I went into the kitchen and rummaged around and ate a bit of sugary and salty snacks.  And then I fixed myself lunch (this part is definitely what I should have done first).  Granted, I jotted down all of my points for the kitchen raid and lunch… but damn.  Really?  I spent 6 points (I estimated high) on a stress-induced attack of the munchies. And another 5 on a really healthy lunch. So that’s 11 points in all. 6 of those points, I am positive, could have been avoided.

And I realized that when stressful things happen, my body is in fight or flight mode.  I get this surge of energy and I envision myself punching the wall or something.  But instead of punching the wall, I focus the anger and energy on eating.

So i’m making a vow here and now… next time I am going to give myself options.  Yes.  That’s right… options.  The way I see it, I have at least a 5-second pause between reaction and action in a trigger-induced situation.  So here are my options:

1.  Phone a friend

2.  Do some jumping jacks or hop on my exercise bike

3.  Clean something …anything.

4.  Go for a walk

That’s all I can think of for now.  The point is, I know that I need to take action in a different way.  If it bothers me to the point of pulling the trigger and ruining my health for a moment, then I need to do something different.  Because running to the kitchen for answers aint working for me.

Emotional Self — changing my internal dialog

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I am an emotional being to my very core.  I feed on emotion (not only my own but others as well).  Let me tell you…. it’s not an easy road to hoe.  For an emotional over-eater and food addict, being overly emotional and sensitive is not that great.  Because I care far too much about making other people happy and peaceful and not much about making my own-self feel that way.

I think it’s become one of those things where I need to just learn how to step away from that emotionally.  I need to put my emotions into perspective (if you will).  Because for me, being overweight means a lot more than just eating more than I should or not exercising enough.  It’s a whole overhaul on my emotional core and the way I think about things.  You know what they say… weight loss is 90% mental and 10% everything else.

If I change my internal dialog, it would go something like this:

“I am worthy.  I am a good person.  I have a kind heart.  I try my best.  If someone is having an off day and takes it out on me, it is NOT my fault.  I can’t help their behavior.”

Many times I feel that I need to *fix* people, or situations.  Sometimes I feel guilty by association or guilty because I am there.  Low self-esteem is a devil in itself.  Low self-esteem tells you that you are not worthy and if person A, B and C are mad it is because of something you did (or didn’t do).  I need to tell low self-esteem to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine, because it has no place in my life.

I really respect Dr. Phil.  His advice makes sense to me.  I recently read an article about eliminating your negative internal dialog .  I would like to share it with you.  In part of his article Dr. Phil notes that our internal dialog shapes the way we see the world and the way we react.

Your internal dialogue powerfully programs and shapes your self-concept. If you believe you are worthy and strong, you will live up to that truth. The following exercises will help to focus your habits and patterns and hopefully set you free of some of your negative internal dialogue.

He advises us that we should take a day (when we have very little going on) to listen to our internal dialog and every two hours, review our thoughts. What did we tell ourselves within those two hours? He then goes on to say that we should write it down. Understanding our internal dialog is the only way to change it.

I am going to buy both of these and hopefully gain more insight into changing my own internal dialog:

If I *talk* to myself differently, that will go a long way in changing how I value myself and how I allow others to treat me.