I am way stressed out right now. So many things going on that my head is spinning. I have been a garbage dump this weekend; shoving candy and any other food that happens to be in my way in my mouth. I have no self-control, self-discipline or common sense right now (as it pertains to food).

I have final exams this week and a whole lot of added stress on top of the exams. I feel like I am two steps away from having a nervous breakdown.

Have you ever had a time in your life where you were so stressed out you didn’t think you could take one more thing or you would totally break? ‘cuz that’s exactly how I feel right now.

I spoke with my mom about hair loss and a possible hair loss treatment. She was very helpful and said that she lost a lot of hair when she was under a tremendous amount of stress. She said it would come out in clumps in the shower.

Once my hormones subsided and the stress subsided so did the hair loss. What happens to you when you get stressed out?

Because of the house stuff, I have been under a tremendous amount of stress. I find that I can’t really sleep at night anymore. My thoughts wake me up. Once I am up, I can’t stop thinking no matter what I do.

I have thought about taking a warm bath and drinking a warm glass of milk, but i’m not sure if that would help? Any advice?

I don’t know what to say.  Things have been crazy around here.  In a matter of three days, life has gone from solid and sure to absolutely crazy.  I think I jinxed myself by commenting on Diane’s post that the weekends were usually a-okay for me diet-wise.

And then came this weekend.  For starters, the kids had been sick all week and then pink-eye hit both my oldest and middle children.  My husband had to work on restoring servers for a client.  Oh and we found out that our offer on the short sale we bid on got accepted… BUT.  And that’s where it is at the moment.  We’re not sure at this point what the endgame will be with the house.  We were given 5 different scenarios on Friday and since no one thought to call the bank between Thursday and Friday to iron out the details… we are stuck in limbo.  I HATE being stuck in limbo.  Probably because of my literal personality.  Oh and maybe because we have been waiting on this for awhile now.

So between the 5 different scenarios, 2 would work and three of them wouldn’t.  We should have an answer today on which of the scenarios is the right one.  I pray that it is one of the two that we can do.  Otherwise, we’re back at the starting line.

If it is a go-ahead, then well… I have to end my gym membership until we get to the new house.  We’re moving to a different city and if we’re going to get stuck with a crappy scenario, that means more money out of pocket and so… bye bye gym membership.  For now at least.

BUT

Even though life is changing, I haven’t veered from my path.  For the next month… i’ll be doing this from home.  Taking walks, heavy cardio on my exercise bike, stretching and doing situps in my living room and basically making exercise an easy-access thing that can be a part of my life no matter what.  I might even do lunges and squats.

I’m not gonna lie though.  I’m going to miss the gym.  All of that equipment I used to push myself to the limits.  Gah.  It’s good stuff.  And the month i’m going to be away from it will be challenging.   But hey, people have lost weight long before gym memberships and they will keep losing weight long after.

I did well with my eating this weekend and am very proud of the kinds of meals I have made for my family so far on this journey.  The fact that I know they are healthy meals and the fact that they taste great, is all the more motivation to keep me going.

Oddly enough, I don’t find myself starving.  However, I do try to load up on Fiber and Protein.  Maybe that’s why?   Of course, I have also been more in-tune to my body’s needs.  I allow my body to tell me when i’m hungry.  And I eat smaller meals throughout the day instead of big ones.

My focus, my positive attitude and my drive are strong as ever.  A game-changer was thrown into the mix, but it’s not a major path changer.  And if this all goes the way I want, then it’s all good stuff! 

So, my husband and I have been on the brink of buying a house forever.   We started last July.  Finally in October, we found a house.  We bid on it even though it was a short sale.  Our bid was accepted by the owners and now we wait.  And wait.  And wait.

Mid-December we were told that a negotiator was going to be assigned to us by the 16th.  The 16th came and then passed without a word.  Last week was Christmas and understandably, we didn’t hear anything.  Today, we get an e-mail from our Realtor stating that we have NOT been assigned a negotiator yet and so they are moving to escalate it (whatever that means).

My friend Google doesn’t help much.  Google basically says “Bank of America and Countrywide sincerely suck at moving forward on short sales”.  Google also mentioned that it can be escalated 10 times or more.  So that “escalation” is basically a nice way of saying that we have to wait.  And wait.

My husband and I are now deciding what to do.  Should we wait it out?  Should we look for another house?

The thing is… this house is perrrfect in every way.  We LUV it.  And if we walk away now… who knows how long it will take.

This whole thing makes me want to move to South Carolina and rent a home from Outer Banks rentals. Or something. I feel absolutely powerless right now. And when things are out of my control… I tend to take control over other things…. err… bot not in always in a positive way.

This house buying stress is trigger inducing.  For real.  The minute I read the e-mail, I processed the information negatively and then my brain was shouting at me…. “EAT!  YOU NEED TO EAT!  IT’S A CRISIS! YOU’RE HAVING A CRAPPY DAY AND LIFE SUCKS SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL FIND A SNACK!”  So I went into the kitchen and rummaged around and ate a bit of sugary and salty snacks.  And then I fixed myself lunch (this part is definitely what I should have done first).  Granted, I jotted down all of my points for the kitchen raid and lunch… but damn.  Really?  I spent 6 points (I estimated high) on a stress-induced attack of the munchies. And another 5 on a really healthy lunch. So that’s 11 points in all. 6 of those points, I am positive, could have been avoided.

And I realized that when stressful things happen, my body is in fight or flight mode.  I get this surge of energy and I envision myself punching the wall or something.  But instead of punching the wall, I focus the anger and energy on eating.

So i’m making a vow here and now… next time I am going to give myself options.  Yes.  That’s right… options.  The way I see it, I have at least a 5-second pause between reaction and action in a trigger-induced situation.  So here are my options:

1.  Phone a friend

2.  Do some jumping jacks or hop on my exercise bike

3.  Clean something …anything.

4.  Go for a walk

That’s all I can think of for now.  The point is, I know that I need to take action in a different way.  If it bothers me to the point of pulling the trigger and ruining my health for a moment, then I need to do something different.  Because running to the kitchen for answers aint working for me.

After my trip last week, I have come back home feeling confused about stuff.  I may or may not have mentioned in thishere blog the fact that I suffer from depression and possibly ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder).

I have this idea in my head that I am meant to forge ahead in this life and be successful.  I define success by having a strong family and a good job.  I am trying to start a business but find that I am overwhelmed by all of the details.  What do I do first?  Husb suggested that I make a list of importance, but to me… it’s all important.

So instead of following through… i’m taking a break and latching myself on to the next big idea.  For once, I just want to finish something and follow-through with my goals.

My uncle will be moving in here soon with his two kids.  Husb and I are helping him out for a short time while his new house closes.  In my heart of hearts, I know that I am doing the right thing by helping.  And I *want* to help.  The probelm is, My mind starts to shut down and I feel overwhelmed.

When I feel overwhelmed everything slides backwards and I dig myself into a hole that becomes deeper and deeper.

The thing is, I feel really alone right now.

It is an undisputable fact that learning more about yourself is a good thing.  I mean, who doesn’t want to know “who they are” right?

But on some level, i’m starting to deal with things I held down inside of me and burried.

So, I weighed in today and gained 1.5 pounds.  Not a big amount of weight by any means but significant enough to symbolize what i’ve been going through.

All of this comes back to the fact that I need to figure out a better way to handle stress.

They say that losing weight is 95% mental and 5% about diet and exercise. Meaning that once you get yourself in the right mind, the rest comes easier than it would if you were not in the right mind. I would have to say that I agree with this.

My little girl is rather fond of her pacifier. Whenever she is upset she wants her paci. Sometimes, I feel like my daughter in the way that when I am upset, food pacifies me. Then after eating, I feel better but then shortly after, I feel guilty again. It is an ugly cycle.

What are some ways that you calm yourself down enough to make better choices? I am looking for any helpful hints I can get!