Archive for the ‘Stress’ Category

So, my husband and I have been on the brink of buying a house forever.   We started last July.  Finally in October, we found a house.  We bid on it even though it was a short sale.  Our bid was accepted by the owners and now we wait.  And wait.  And wait.

Mid-December we were told that a negotiator was going to be assigned to us by the 16th.  The 16th came and then passed without a word.  Last week was Christmas and understandably, we didn’t hear anything.  Today, we get an e-mail from our Realtor stating that we have NOT been assigned a negotiator yet and so they are moving to escalate it (whatever that means).

My friend Google doesn’t help much.  Google basically says “Bank of America and Countrywide sincerely suck at moving forward on short sales”.  Google also mentioned that it can be escalated 10 times or more.  So that “escalation” is basically a nice way of saying that we have to wait.  And wait.

My husband and I are now deciding what to do.  Should we wait it out?  Should we look for another house?

The thing is… this house is perrrfect in every way.  We LUV it.  And if we walk away now… who knows how long it will take.

This whole thing makes me want to move to South Carolina and rent a home from Outer Banks rentals. Or something. I feel absolutely powerless right now. And when things are out of my control… I tend to take control over other things…. err… bot not in always in a positive way.

This house buying stress is trigger inducing.  For real.  The minute I read the e-mail, I processed the information negatively and then my brain was shouting at me…. “EAT!  YOU NEED TO EAT!  IT’S A CRISIS! YOU’RE HAVING A CRAPPY DAY AND LIFE SUCKS SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL FIND A SNACK!”  So I went into the kitchen and rummaged around and ate a bit of sugary and salty snacks.  And then I fixed myself lunch (this part is definitely what I should have done first).  Granted, I jotted down all of my points for the kitchen raid and lunch… but damn.  Really?  I spent 6 points (I estimated high) on a stress-induced attack of the munchies. And another 5 on a really healthy lunch. So that’s 11 points in all. 6 of those points, I am positive, could have been avoided.

And I realized that when stressful things happen, my body is in fight or flight mode.  I get this surge of energy and I envision myself punching the wall or something.  But instead of punching the wall, I focus the anger and energy on eating.

So i’m making a vow here and now… next time I am going to give myself options.  Yes.  That’s right… options.  The way I see it, I have at least a 5-second pause between reaction and action in a trigger-induced situation.  So here are my options:

1.  Phone a friend

2.  Do some jumping jacks or hop on my exercise bike

3.  Clean something …anything.

4.  Go for a walk

That’s all I can think of for now.  The point is, I know that I need to take action in a different way.  If it bothers me to the point of pulling the trigger and ruining my health for a moment, then I need to do something different.  Because running to the kitchen for answers aint working for me.

Sometimes I think I need some professional counseling.  It all just seems “too much” to handle.  Especially right now.  My mind is a never-ending source of thoughts that just won’t let me be.

After my trip last week, I have come back home feeling confused about stuff.  I may or may not have mentioned in thishere blog the fact that I suffer from depression and possibly ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder).

I have this idea in my head that I am meant to forge ahead in this life and be successful.  I define success by having a strong family and a good job.  I am trying to start a business but find that I am overwhelmed by all of the details.  What do I do first?  Husb suggested that I make a list of importance, but to me… it’s all important.

So instead of following through… i’m taking a break and latching myself on to the next big idea.  For once, I just want to finish something and follow-through with my goals.

My uncle will be moving in here soon with his two kids.  Husb and I are helping him out for a short time while his new house closes.  In my heart of hearts, I know that I am doing the right thing by helping.  And I *want* to help.  The probelm is, My mind starts to shut down and I feel overwhelmed.

When I feel overwhelmed everything slides backwards and I dig myself into a hole that becomes deeper and deeper.

The thing is, I feel really alone right now.

I was doing so well… and then life seemed to get in the way.  As it always does.  I have been going through things, anxiety, depression, etc.  I’ll spare you the laundry list.  Mostly because my journey has brought about a lot of feelings and realizations about my personality, choices, etc.

It is an undisputable fact that learning more about yourself is a good thing.  I mean, who doesn’t want to know “who they are” right?

But on some level, i’m starting to deal with things I held down inside of me and burried.

So, I weighed in today and gained 1.5 pounds.  Not a big amount of weight by any means but significant enough to symbolize what i’ve been going through.

All of this comes back to the fact that I need to figure out a better way to handle stress.