“There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.” ~ Albert Einstein

Here is the video:

and here are the lyrics:

Half the world is sleeping
Half the world’s awake
Half can hear their heart beat
Half just hear them break
I am but a traveler
Been most everywhere
Ask me what you want to know.

[Chorus:]

What a journey it has been
And the end is not in sight
But the stars are out tonight
And they’re bound to guide my way
When they’re shining on my life
I can see a better day
I won’t let the darkness in
What a journey it has been.

I have been to sorrow
I have been to bliss
Where I’ll be tomorrow
I can only guess
Through the darkest desert
Through the deepest snow
Forward, always forward I go.
Forward, always forward
Onward, always up
Catching every drop of hope
In my empty cup.

Been…
What a journey it has been.

Sleep well, fellow journeyers!

Is it genetics or environment or both?

My doctor said that he actually tells parents that their kids need at least an hour of exercise daily. When I was a kid, daily exercise and being outside was kind of part of being a kid. All of that stuff went unsaid. Are parents more overprotective? Do we second and third guess ourselves to the point where we don’t allow our children the same freedoms that we had as kids because of fear? Or do we have more things to do while “sitting down”?

I can honestly say that my parents never educated me on nutrition and exercise. Then again, it wasn’t as big of an issue back then as it is today.

My husband and I enroll our kids in various activities that require being active: karate, swimming, cheer leading, dance, soccer, etc. We want them to have less of a struggle with their weight and more importantly to have self-confidence and a good body-image. In addition, we have also started being better examples. We explain about nutrition and healthy food and making good choices.

What do you think about childhood obesity?

Watch your THOUGHTS; they become your WORDS.

Watch your WORDS; they become your ACTIONS.

Watch your ACTIONS; they become your HABITS.

Watch your HABITS; they become your CHARACTER.

Watch your CHARACTER; it becomes your DESTINY!

What do you think?  Can you apply this poem to your life or weight loss journey?

Regardless of the many reasons “why” I eat, the choice has always been mine.  No one is holding a gun to my head making me go through drive thru to grab that high-calorie sandwich and fries I simply *must have*.  No one has threatened to hurt my family if I don’t eat a big dish of ice cream at night.  The food police have not blocked off the perimeter of any of the grocery stores I visit, thereby leaving me no other choice but to grab potato chips, pop and processed meals.  These things simply did not and have never happened.

I am taking responsibility for my actions.  I am taking a look in the mirror and point the finger where it needs to be pointed.  I did this to me.  I hurt myself for a long time.

Enough is enough.

I am choosing to take care of myself.  I believe that being in good health means being on a path of well-being spiritually, physically and mentally.

I am choosing to be proactive and not reactive.

I am choosing to DO and not just to SAY.

I hated having to shop for clothes. Until I got used to it and then I didn’t mind. As my weight increased however, I found that I had less choices in the stores and was shoved to the online corner. I really preferred to shop alone. My thinner friends had endless choices, while I just watched. It was one of those humiliating moments where I couldn’t help but compare myself to others. Their bodies compared to mine.

Why did I put myself through that?

Have you ever had a humiliating moment relating to your weight?

This week, I find that I am stronger than I thought I was.  I got through last week and believe it or not — i’m still standing.  I didn’t allow myself to get out of control.  I worked through my feelings and allowed myself time to be sad, hurt, angry, etc.  You know what?  Those feelings did not eat me up.  I had them, dealt with them and now i’m moving on.

The kicker is that while I started feeling better about things last Friday, I slipped on the floor and twisted my knee Friday night.  The same knee that got hit in the accident I had some years ago.  I have been nursing it with ice and ibuprofen.  It still hurts (sharp pains behind my kneecap) and I am having a hell of a time going up and down stairs or being on my feet for long periods of time.  If my knee doesn’t get better within a couple of days, I will make an appointment with my doctor.  Regardless, my outlook remains positive.

I am really proud of myself for staying on track even in the face of the adversity, anger and overload of emotion that seemed to color each day of the last two weeks.

I am, staying the course.

‘Till next time,

I have to admit though — I have been very quiet and introspective over the past week.  I have been thinking (to the point of obsession) about all that transpired the weekend before.  I think it’s weird that I have gotten to a point in my life where I am actually drawing lines in the sand and verbalizing to people *what is* and *is not* okay with me.

You see, for the longest time, I had been a pushover.  I was always so afraid to set boundaries because I thought that if I did set those boundaries, then people wouldn’t value me enough to a) respect them and b) stick around after I set them.  So, I would give people free reign to say/do/ask whatever they wanted regardless of my own feelings on the matter.

That all changed last week…for the better, I might add.  Because you see, I have come to realize that my main goal right now is to take care of myself and my family (family = kids and hubs).  Everyone else outside of that circle needs to take a number.

I have come to the realization that it is OKAY to set boundaries with my family and friends.  It is OKAY for me to not allow certain behaviors in my home.  Especially behaviors that make me or my children feel afraid or unsafe.  If people outside of my circle cannot handle the boundaries, then they don’t need to be in my life.  Believe me when I say that this realization was NOT easy for me to come by.  I hate losing people.  I hate being a part of a situation where I am unable to make peace and to *fix* everything.  Then again, I have come to realize that making peace and fixing other people’s behaviors is not my problem or my job.

I can only fix me.

I have had a continual headache and feel like I might need Migraine surgery. On a serious note — I do have a headache and a heavy heart.

I don’t feel comfortable going into details here of the how/why/when of the two situations. I do know that in a blink of an eye, I was 10-year old Kellie again, looking into the mouth of the beast and feeling completely afraid and small.

The past few days have left me feeling like the other shoe is about to drop (as if enough shoes haven’t dropped already). I can only say that I am hanging on by a thread emotionally and that I feel like a 100 pound weight has literally been placed on my chest. Fight or flight mode has been activated.

One of the things that I realize is that these feelings will not swallow me whole and in no way can I ever become that 10-year old girl again (thank God for that). I am dealing with the feelings as best I can although I have no desire to talk about them (as I usually do– I am a talker folks). Right now, I am feeling withdrawn and am in self-protective mode.

Oddly enough, I had a conversation with God a couple of weeks ago in regards to my weight loss journey. I said “Dear God, I don’t expect you to make this journey easy or without roadblocks. I only ask that you give me sources of inner-strength, motivation, and inspiration to draw from.” I have no doubt that I am being tested right now. So, if anything good has come out of this — it is that I haven’t went on one of my famous food binges or felt like the answer to feeling better lay in a piece of chocolate cake.

‘Til next time,

Truth-be-told, I only wanted to read the classics this go ’round but the description of the book intrigued me enough to read a sample of it. The sample had me hooked, so I knew it was a “must have”. If you enjoy a little bit of nostalgic history (and i’m all about nostalgic history), along with a little bit of sci-fi, slight horror and a good story — READ. THIS. BOOK. The Honeywell Barcode Scanners in the world must be going off-the-chain because I cannot imagine that this book sits on a bookstore (or Kindle) shelf for very long!

What I love most about this story is that I am able to get lost in the storyline. I feel like I am truly experiencing 1958 (and beyond) as the character is experiencing it. King’s style in this novel is so clean and the focus of the story stays on track. One of my frustrations of some of his other novels, is that he gets too detail-oriented (so much so that he has a tendency to get off track and tell another story in the middle of the main story) and introduces too many characters too quickly. However, I can definitely say that he doesn’t do that with this novel and if he does– it completely melds with the story and keeps you “in the moment”.

I am normally not a book-review kind of person, but I was so impressed with this novel, that I am actually thinking of perhaps adding his other novels to my reading list. I thought I wrote him off forever (and was kind of sad about it because people seem to love Stephen King) — but now I have new resolve to read his earlier works!

Irony:  There are so many weight loss tools and methodologies available, yet we’re nearing the highest percentage of obesity in the United States of all time.

I was speaking with a friend of mine who had weight loss surgery about a year and a half ago.  She said that she recently realized that the surgery was really a tool and not a cure-all.  She continues to struggle to lose the last 50 pounds as her body has settled into the comfort zone.  She looks amazing though and works hard to maintain her loss to date.

Her story has put some of the random thoughts floating around in my head about long-term weight loss– into context for me.  Weight Watchers, the YMCA, weight loss surgery, weight loss methodologies, etc are all just tools and NOT cures.

The only cure for obesity that we really have resides in obtaining the mental fortitude to turn the want into change.  If we don’t want to change our patterns and behaviors; if we don’t want to change our lives, then no tool will be able to help us (no matter how AWESOME said tool(s) may be).

Taking it one step further (and as an example):  alcoholism is an addiction-based affliction (very similar to food addiction).  Alcoholics have to first realize that they have a problem before anything else.  Once they realize they have a problem — they have to want to change (you can recognize that you have a problem and still not care to change it).  Then, steps are taken where they surround themselves with a support system (first and foremost) and like-minded individuals and they follow everything one day at a time and one step at a time.

Putting all of the above into context for myself, I realize that for someone like me — it is not enough to just have available tools.  The want has to be there as well.

I was inspired to write this excerpt from Dr. J’s recent article entitled “You Have To Want To:  A Free eBook on Weightloss“.  If you haven’t read the article or Dr. J’s blog, I highly recommend it!  He is able to offer wisdom, truth and tools as it pertains to weight loss.