Archive for the ‘The Journey’ Category

I saw a rerun of the show “Ruby”. Dearest Ruby and all of her horse tack. This episode, she rode a horse for the first time. Being a heavy gal all her life, she was concerned that she would break the horse’s back. It was kind of agonizing to see her agonizing over riding the horse. She finally did get on the horse’s back and found that everything would be find. It was like another mile-marker of accomplishment on her journey.

I know that feeling.

I recently went bra shopping.

Back story: because of my weight, I went from underwire bras (the wires always came out… too pokey) to bras without underwire (comfort and bigger sizes). It wasn’t a great day. Because it was the day I realized that I had kind of reached the point of no return. At that point, I had lowered my clothing choices down that much further.

Anyway… so I recently went bra shopping and I bought what I knew to be my regular size. The next morning, I decided to put on my new bra (nothing better than new undergarments!). And you know… it was too big. I sat there on the bed in kind of a dumbfounded stupor. Too big? I had been used to the “too small” song and dance that seemed to be the theme of my life for the past 6 years. I was used to things getting smaller as I got bigger. Kind of like an Alice in Wonderland on obesity.

But… it truly was too small. And for a moment I got kind of sad. Because in that moment I didn’t really realize that I was actually getting smaller. All I knew is that one more article of clothing (and it really was a pretty bra!) was not the right size. Heh. But then I quickly shook myself out of that mindset. Helloo!

Because I realized that a smaller bra size meant *MORE* choices not less! And it meant that all of this hard work I have been putting in is actually working!

Was there ever a moment while on your weight-loss path that you actually had the opposite reaction than what most people, even yourself would expect?

Day 1 of core:

Not horrible but definitely in need of some improvements.  I ate a couple of non-approved carbs by accident (white rice with dinner).  And by accident I mean… without thinking.

Breakfast:  Egg Beaters, 1 piece whole wheat toast, turkey bacon, and 1 plum

Lunch:  Nada (we were out and about all day today.  I didn’t have time to eat).

Dinner:  Thai Food — Gang Gai (Gang Gai isn’t exactly core with the coconut milk in it so I counted points for that & the white rice was an oopsy so I counted points for that too).

I think the key to success on the core program is to plan and to have a set list of quick go-to approved core items.

I don’t think I did too bad.  I think breakfast was the healthiest meal of my day today. But I still feel like i’m making strides.

Not weighing myself over the last couple of weeks has lead me to think about making changes to my current plan.  As of right now, I count my points.  And I like counting my points for the most part.  BUT… I am grappling with an addiction to carbs and sugar.  I think this is the reason for the back and forth tango I have been doing between weight loss and weight gain over the last 3 weeks. (or heck, if I am to be extremely honest over the last few months).

I have noticed that while I am counting my points… I haven’t changed my diet as much as I should.  I don’t get enough fresh veggies and fruit.  There I said it.  I have tried to incorporate that into my diet.  I have tried to do the “clean eating” thing.  But I have found that it is difficult to do.  And I need to do it.  It is an essential part of changing one’s life for the healthier.  Am I right?  I enjoy veggies and fruit… but I don’t always have a *taste* for them.  Urgh.

I’m up three pounds.  I am not surprised.  I am back at 301.  And i’m disappointed.  Sure… as with anything in life… there are reasons.  But I can no longer use those reasons as a crutch.  And I do…   use reasons as a crutch… that is.

I am so-so-so tired of moving forward and then sliding backwards.  I feel like I *should* be further along than I am.  Not just weight wise… but mentality wise.  I am struggling to stay on the plan.  And then, when I go off the plan, I struggle to get back on.

I am grappling with a lot of things in life right now.  Things that I don’t even write here because I just don’t know where to start.  I just recently learned that my mom passed out twice and then was sent to the Emergency room where they found that she has heart issues.  She didn’t want me to know about it because she didn’t want me to worry.  So I had to hear about this from my brother and he was instructed to tell me only the mild stuff… and I feel angry with her because of that and of course worried about her.  And that’s only the tip of the iceberg.

And did I mention the heat is getting to me? It has been H-O-T in my neck of the woods and completely uncomfortable. And because of the heat and the fact that I need to buy a dehumidifier for our basement, I am feeling a bit cranky today. The heat because… well… it’s like hot. And the dehumidifier because well… I don’t want to spend the money on it right now (though it is handy dandy).

Anyway, I am going to try and switch over to core.  I feel the need to completely cleanse my body.

How are you all doing?