Archive for the ‘Weight History’ Category

I have come to realize that one of the reasons I have gained so much weight in my life is that I have a higher level of consciousness (i.e. a humongous guilt complex). I feel guilty about things I shouldn’t even worry about!

It’s part of who I am (as one who cares too much), but still… I find myself wanting for the days when something can happen around me and I feel flippant or unobservant. Instead I want to fix things. I want to control things and get everything to go in the manner I feel most relevant to my life.

I’m learning to be an advocate of “No Guilt and Move On” or more popularly known as NGAMO. Because let’s face it… how many of us walk around with this big cloud of guilt on our shoulders? How many of us put our hands to mouth everytime an emotion hits (good or bad).

My hand is always to mouth because in my world there is always something to feel deeply about. I love the passion but I really dislike the reaction.

This will be my 3rd go-round with Weight Watchers.   The first two times I was not as committed as I should have been.  I didn’t like to hold myself accountable back then.  Then, I tried the online program but realized that I needed way more support and inspiration.  If I could do this on my own, then the online program would have worked out beautifully.

I have been going to Weight Watchers faithfully for 4 weeks now.  I have attended every meeting.  Even meetings I wasn’t so excited about attending because I was sure I had “gained”.  Things are different now.  I know that I need the accountability.  Because at the end of the day, I need to realize that my opinion matters.  So going to these meetings every week is my way of saying… “Self… you matter!”

I have lost 8 pounds so far.  Everything is being lost slowly.  I don’t run marathons, I still eat a bit of fast food (even though that is changing surely but slowly) and i’m not “perfect” on the program by far, but i’m adjusting.

You see… that’s what I figured out so far.  I don’t have to be perfect to be worthy.  I already am worthy.  And I need to show myself that good health matters.  It matters so much more now than it ever did.  Why?  Because I have three beautiful children who I want to see grow up.  I have a husband whom I love and adore.  I picture us as hip young folk taking cruises and riding with the top down when the kids grow up.

I’m tired of sitting on the sidelines feeling sorry for myself.  I’m tired of not loving myself enough.  Self-loathing takes a lot of work believe it or not.

Coming back to the meetings…

The meetings are awesome because each one is jam-packed with inspiration.  Everyone claps when you lose weight, even if it’s only 0.2 pounds and when you reach goal, you practically get a standing ovation.  But it is so much more than that.  It is the feeling of not being alone with the struggle.  Because you know that every person in that room struggles just as much as you do.

I currently have about three other blogs that I write on.  I find myself writing about my weight issues more often than not so I figured… why not just have a fourth blog and niche it into the weight-loss category?

So here I am.  Ready to spill my guts about weight loss, weight gain as well as anything and everything pertaining to it.

From as far back as I can remember,  I have never been what one would call thin.  I was a robust child and by the age of 10 had become chubby.  My dad of course told me that it was “baby fat” and that I would lose it as I got older.  But he was wrong because the baby fat turned into teenager fat and then adult fat.

But I happen to think chubby is a cute name.  Chubby babies, chubby feet and chubby cheeks are all cute right?

After 3 subsequent pregnancies (one after another), I manage to gain 130 lbs.  Eating for two, three times within a 4-year period is a lot for anyone.

I am candid about my weight.  I make fun of myself.  But I have learned to love myself and accept who I am as a person as well.

None of this acceptance came easily until I came to the realization that I am who I am.  I have good qualities, bad qualities and have made good choices as well as bad choices.  I am human.

So here I am, being human and writing on this blog.  Because I am honest to a T.   You may laugh at me, cry with me or despise my honesty, but all in all, if you’re reading this blog… I think it’s a good thing.

Hello… my name is K and I like to chew things.