I know that life is very rarely, if ever only one way.  The biggest push for myself on this journey is not necessarily that I get an easy-ride without bumps but rather that I am able to get over the bumps and continue on.  Not saying that I won’t have a rough day here and there but just saying that my rough days aren’t going to define me.

This week, I find that I am stronger than I thought I was.  I got through last week and believe it or not — i’m still standing.  I didn’t allow myself to get out of control.  I worked through my feelings and allowed myself time to be sad, hurt, angry, etc.  You know what?  Those feelings did not eat me up.  I had them, dealt with them and now i’m moving on.

The kicker is that while I started feeling better about things last Friday, I slipped on the floor and twisted my knee Friday night.  The same knee that got hit in the accident I had some years ago.  I have been nursing it with ice and ibuprofen.  It still hurts (sharp pains behind my kneecap) and I am having a hell of a time going up and down stairs or being on my feet for long periods of time.  If my knee doesn’t get better within a couple of days, I will make an appointment with my doctor.  Regardless, my outlook remains positive.

I am really proud of myself for staying on track even in the face of the adversity, anger and overload of emotion that seemed to color each day of the last two weeks.

I am, staying the course.

‘Till next time,

Well, since I recommitted myself and gave myself a complete reset 2 weeks ago, I am proud to announce that I am presently 6.2 pounds down!

I have to admit though — I have been very quiet and introspective over the past week.  I have been thinking (to the point of obsession) about all that transpired the weekend before.  I think it’s weird that I have gotten to a point in my life where I am actually drawing lines in the sand and verbalizing to people *what is* and *is not* okay with me.

You see, for the longest time, I had been a pushover.  I was always so afraid to set boundaries because I thought that if I did set those boundaries, then people wouldn’t value me enough to a) respect them and b) stick around after I set them.  So, I would give people free reign to say/do/ask whatever they wanted regardless of my own feelings on the matter.

That all changed last week…for the better, I might add.  Because you see, I have come to realize that my main goal right now is to take care of myself and my family (family = kids and hubs).  Everyone else outside of that circle needs to take a number.

I have come to the realization that it is OKAY to set boundaries with my family and friends.  It is OKAY for me to not allow certain behaviors in my home.  Especially behaviors that make me or my children feel afraid or unsafe.  If people outside of my circle cannot handle the boundaries, then they don’t need to be in my life.  Believe me when I say that this realization was NOT easy for me to come by.  I hate losing people.  I hate being a part of a situation where I am unable to make peace and to *fix* everything.  Then again, I have come to realize that making peace and fixing other people’s behaviors is not my problem or my job.

I can only fix me.